He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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