Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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