Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize