I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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