i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
