I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i will never coherently bang her
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
