oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just had sex on a roof
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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