I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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