so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
