Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
