so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize