I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
