the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We're not piercing ourselves today.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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