Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
