i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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