im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need to calm my uterus...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
