..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Someone came in the potted fern
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
