Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize