One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
