Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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