If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
