I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
