Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
