He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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