i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
