Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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