Don't you send me to vm
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
