a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
