Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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