I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
