Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
