I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I pour the whiskey from now on
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
