My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
