Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The air was thick with penises
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
