so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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