theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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