I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
