I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
