I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
