I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
