Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
