My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
