It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
only you would photoshop your dick
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
