I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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