You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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