no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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