Yo dont text me then not text me
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
