Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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