one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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