it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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