so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
