i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
