Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
