Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
