Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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