escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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