I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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