Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
