i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
