doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
