I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
