I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
