fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
