dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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