Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
