I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
