At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
