i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
