She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
